"Mommies Cry when Daddies have to Leave" - Surviving the First Week of Deployment

Ava and Garry in his office before he left.

The day Garry left was hard.  We spent the morning hanging out in his office or wondering the halls watching Ava play with some of the other kids.  They were supposed to bored the bus at noon and our plan was to stay till then.  I was fine till about 1100 when we went back into his office and then I just couldn't stop crying.  The last thing he needed was to worry about me breaking down and here I was doing just that.  He was very understanding when at 11:30 I said I couldn't stay any longer, I felt like such a wimp but didn't want everyone else seeing me that way, plus I new it was going to get worse and I just couldn't stand to see him get on that bus.  

So I sobbed the whole way home while Ava and Sophia napped.  I was even able to get them to nap once we got home.  After crying for a few hours, I felt a little better and thought I finally had control of my emotions...wrong.  Ava, Sophia and I went outside to play for a bit.  We ended up at a neighbors house and I broke down, again.  Her 3 year old daughter was so sweet.  She asked why I was crying and I told her I was sad because Ava's daddy went on a trip and wouldn't be home for a long time.  She looked at me and said, "yeah, mommies cry when daddies have to leave."   While sitting on the couch visiting with my friend I realize it was pretty quite.  Where is Ava?  Crap, we completely forgot about the tear in the screen door and Ava slipped out of the house.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? GARRY ISN'T EVEN GONE FOR 1 DAY AND I LOST OUR DAUGHTER!!!  We found her playing on the sidewalk outside the house, disaster diverted and I can breath again.  That girl will be the death of me yet;)  After locking her inside the house and visiting for a while, we all go outside to play.  More neighbors ask how I'm doing and of course I break down each time.  Will the tears just stop already?  Ava, Sophia, and I go in and cook dinner.  I get the girls down for bed around 8 and start my pity party...because it didn't start at 1100.  Basically I just cried and cried, I cried so much I was worried I wouldn't be able to stop and started to think I would have to go to the hospital in the morning to get some happy pills.  The whole day was frustrating.  I really wanted to be strong for Garry and the girls and I just couldn't keep it together.  I knew this was coming, I had prepared myself, or so I thought.  It is only 7 months, it could be much worse.  WHY CAN'T I STOP CRYING!!!!  Ok, so of course I cry myself to sleep.  Ava wakes up in the middle of the night so I bring her into bed with me.  I don't know why I woke up but I did, only to see Ava start to roll off the bed.  I grabbed her just in time and another disaster diverted.  It would have been a disaster to since our mattress is the 18" mattress and sits so high up I need a step stool to get in the bed and oh yeah the floors are concrete.  I've got to get my sh** together.  

Saturday, I wake up and I'm not crying.  YEAH!!!  I went a whole day tear free.  Ava, Sophia and I had a great day considering.  I got them to bed, again, at around 8.  After they went down I rearranged our bedroom so now Garry's side of the bed is up against the wall.  (getting it together;)  Of course, Ava slept in her bed the whole night, but I wanted to be prepared.  Sunday was pretty much the same as Saturday.  Two days down, no crying, came close but still did good.  Feeling much better now.

Monday.  I start the day at the co-op I joined last week for the gym.  I go to the gym and get in a great run on the treadmill.  I had a lot of anger to run through, unfortunately my time was cut short due to a pampered chef party otherwise I probably would have ran the whole 2 hours!  If felt good and I can't wait to go again. 

The pampered chef party was nice.  The ladies there either had been through deployments on the island or their husband's were currently deployed.  What they all had to say:

• Deployments here are harder because you are so isolated from family and friends
• The first month is the hardest with the first week being the worst
• After the first month you get set in a nice routine and time goes by pretty fast
• Call me or stop by if you need anything
• I can watch the girls for you anytime, even if you just need a few minutes to yourself
• Take it one day at a time
• The last month is the longest
• You have every right to cry and be emotional...it will get better

It was nice to talk to people who understood but at the same time I felt so exposed because they new EXACTLY how I was feeling.  And they knew that I was just barely keeping it together.  We talked about the girls and how they were doing.  How I wanted to record Garry reading books to the girls but he didn't seem interested so I didn't push.  One wife said her husband refused because it was like saying a final goodbye and he wasn't going to do that.  Hearing all their stories it took everything not to break down right there.  Well, I had a good run with 2 days of being tear free at least I made it to my house before the tears came.  I pretty much just cried the rest of the evening but I remembered that I "had every right to cry" so I didn't feel guilty anymore and I actually felt better instead of worse.

Tuesday was an ok day.  I spent the morning skyping with my mom and Ron.  Since I wasn't really sure of my emotions I decided to skip Ava's music class.  I felt terrible but knew I would break down if the instructor played my favorite song which she usually does.  I usually tear up a little when they play the song anyway.  I plan on recording it one day for all to see.  It is a beautiful slow song called "Dancing with Teddy."  The instructor gives the kids long colorful silk scarves to dance with and they spin around and dance to this amazing song and it really does make me want to cry watching how adorable all the kids are dancing with their pretty scarves.  The rest of the day was spent playing with the girls and turning down ALL the Thanksgiving invites.  Everyone here has been wonderful and I didn't want to ruin peoples Thanksgiving with my emotions.  My plan was to stay at home and fix some cornish hens, stuffing, green beans, and pecan pie. I finally gave in to one of my friends who said if I didn't come she was driving to my house to come get me.  I have a very strong feeling NO ONE was going to let me have a pity party on turkey day;)  That evening I even cancelled on going to the units monthly coffee.  It was in the evening and I just didn't feel like putting on a brave face for all the other spouses whose husbands left with mine.  I also didn't want to mess with the great bedtime routine me and the girls have going on so far.  This night Ava climbs into her toddler bed and wants to sleep there.  I let her and she slept the whole night in her bed.  I was extremely happy and so was she.

Wednesday was a much better day.  I'm starting to feel more like myself.  I worked the Co-op that morning watching the kids play while other mom's worked out and it was fun playing and visiting with the other mom who was also working.  Then I dropped the girls off at their new babysitter's house for the first time.  Ava had a great time.  Sophia had a little bit harder time but no big issues.  While the girls were at the babysitter's, I went and had lunch with an Air Force friend of mine who is also stationed out here.  We were on the same crew in Afghanistan.  We spent our lunch catching up on ourselves and filling each other in with information about people we still stay in contact with.  I can't believe it has been 9 years since our deployment!  I pick up the girls and we spend the rest of the day playing.  Ava didn't get a nap in at the sitter's so she is asleep in her toddler bed by 6:30.  Sophia is out by 7.  I spent the rest of the evening cleaning and rearranging the living room.  This is the third and FINAL time I have arranged the living room.  I think this is the best I can make of the space and our beautiful government furniture;)  I even found a 10K race to run in Feb and my neighbor said she would do it with me.  I cleaned and redecorated-definatly feeling much better.

Thanksgiving was a very nice day.  We went to a friends house and spent the evening with them.  Ava played with their kids and Sophia was held the entire time by either my friend or her husband.  The food was delicious and we were sent home with some left overs.  The next day when we ate them Ava cried when the green bean casserole was all gone.  She kept handing me the container saying "more."

Ava and Dad being Silly

Friday I invited another friend over and her son who just turned 3 years old for dinner.  Since I didn't get the opportunity to cook the cornish hens I had already thawed out for Thanksgiving I figured, why not.  Her husband is also deployed with mine so we talked about how we were doing and how the kids were doing.  I think Friday was the hardest day for Ava.  She kept having little meltdowns over nothing.  I know that is something toddlers do and Ava certainly has them but these were a little different.  I just gave her extra hugs and kisses and kept telling her that Daddy loves her and she seemed much better by the time our friends arrived.  After they left, Ava didn't want to go to sleep in her room so I caved and let her sleep in my room.  Saturday morning she woke up in a much better mood.

Wow!  I can't believe we survived our first week!  The best part is that it flew by.  The way I have things set up for us we will be busy the whole 7 months and hopefully time will keep on flying.  I still find myself looking outside and getting a glimpse of his truck, getting excited because he is home from work, but then I remember where he really is.  It's the little things like that are what catch me off guard and make me sad, however I have been tear free for 4 days now:)  Garry has sent me a few emails and I know he is extremely busy with training and the handover.  I just hope time goes by quickly for him as well.  Thanks for reading.

Halloween 2011

Ava was a lion for Halloween and Sophia wore a Halloween outfit.  Ava loved her costume she roared to the trick-or-treaters and even said trick-or-treat a couple times.  It didn't take her long to understand she was getting candy and was pretty happy getting her treats.  The Scream costumes scared her but for the most part she did very well.  We trick-or-treated for about 30 minutes then headed home to hand out candy.  Trick-or-treating started at 6 and lasted till 8, however, we ran out of candy around 7:30.

Ava helped hand out the candy by the handful.  I think she had a better time doing that than trick-or-treating.  It was neat to see all the kids dressed up.  The base was open to the local children who attended the schools near the base and it was a little crazy but fun.  The Okinawan kids loved Ava and they all wanted to give her hi fives.  Looking forward to next year and I will have much more candy.  We had that huge basket filled to the top and even had some extra bags and we still ran out early!  

The Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters

On Veteran's Day, Garry and I decided it would be a good time to visit The Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters.  From our information pamphlet:

Members of the Japanese Navy Corps of Engineers, Yamane Division dug a tunnel complex for the Navy's Okinawa Headquarters bunker in 1944.  The semi-circular tunnels hardened by posts and concrete were 450 meter in length at the time.  They served as underground headquarters to endure the American bombardment and long drawn out fighting and could sustain 4000 soldiers.  After the war, tunnels remained untouched for many years.  The remains of those who died were collected and a 300-meter portion centered on the commander's office was renovated and opened to the public in March 1970 by the Tourism Development Board.

The Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters is located where Rear Admiral Ota and his men desperately fought to the end on June 13, 1945.  You can view the commanding officer's room and the operations room as it was during the battle.  Also, the tunnels, which were constructed utilizing hoes and picks, still exist in their original condition.

 Garry and Ava in front of the  Memorial Monument

Ava and Garry looking at the view of the East China Sea and Naha Airport

More from the information pamphlet:

On June 6, 1945, Admiral Ota sent a lengthy telegram to the vice minister of the Navy reporting the battle situation and commending the self-sacrifice and cooperation displayed by the Okinawan people during the battle.  In the message he gave a detailed account of how the Okinawan people -both young and old, women and men -devoted themselves whole-heartedly in supporting the battle.  He concluded his message with the statement, "This is how the Okinawan people have fought the war, and for this reason, I ask you give the Okinawan people special consideration from this day forward."

On June 13, 1945, Admiral Ota, with many of his officers and men, died an honorable death inside the underground.  According to the intelligence section of the Sixth Marine Division, 175 bodies were found. 

It has been said that the Naval Base forces lost 4,000 men in the Battle for Oroku Peninsula.  The Sixth Marine Division casualties were 1,608 killed or wounded.  There is a display about the Sixth Marine Division located in the Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters Museum. 

 Commanding Officer's Room

Staff Room

The tunnel where they made their last stand.

Some other interesting facts found in the visitors pamphlet:

The number of deaths in the battle of Okinawa:  Total deaths 200,656 people (Okinawa Non-fighting civilians 37,139 people)  (Americans 12,520 people) 

The number of shells used by Americans (Apr1-Jun 30, 1945) 2,716,691 shells.  The population on Okinawa at that time was 574,368 people giving a ratio of 4.72 shells fired per person.

The number of unexploded shell disposal in Okinawa Prefecture 1,178,869 shells.

The number of remains collected from Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters about 2,400 people. 

After we finished exploring the tunnels, we explored the grounds outside.  Garry and I really wanted to find the outside entrance to the tunnel where the Japanese Navy made their last stand but we were unsuccessful.  We think we found the area but couldn't reach it because there were no trails.  

It would be difficult to describe the day as fun considering where we were.  It was very informative and a privilege to experience this memorial and I couldn't think of a better way to honor Veteran's Day.

 

 

Okinawa Zoo

One day we made a trip to the Okinawan Zoo which is called Kodomo no Kuni, in Japanese, which means Children's Country.  The Zoo has about 194 different species to discover that are located along a very steep hill.  We chose to start at the top of the hill then work our way down where we able to take an elevator back up.  It was sad to see the small living quarters that the animals inhabited but because of the limited space we were able to get very close to the animals.  Garry could have reached out and touched the Hippos, they were so close.  Because of how close you could get there were warning signs in the cat area about spraying.  A sign was drawn with the back end of a cat and spray hitting a persons face.  It was pretty funny.

I forgot the names of these bats but they were huge!

The zoo also allows you to feed the animals during their feeding times for a small fee.  We missed the elephant by about 5 minutes but Ava was able to feed the giraffes.  It was neat to see them so close.  

Ava loved looking at all the animals.  It was fun watching her.  When she would see an animal she would say the name and then tell us the sounds they made.  We were some proud parents;)

After looking at the animals, we took the elevator back up where it led us straight into a food court.  So we had to get something to eat:)  Ava got a corn dog.  The breading was different but very yummy, it was kind of like a funnel cake made out of corn batter.  Garry got the Okinawa Soba noodles and I had the yakitori.  

After we filled our tummies, we visited the petting zoo.  I think that was Ava's favorite place.  She loved feeding the animals, petting them, and even got to hold a chick.

Hmmm...where do I start

Feeding a goat some celery

A little Okinawan boy gave Ava a big hug and kiss on the shoulder

Petting some cute bunnies

Once she was out of the stroller, Ava was unstoppable!  She ran through the rest of the park:)

After we saw everything there was to see outside, we took a trip through the museum.  They had several displays and lots of activity stations for the kids to play with.

Ava liked the little chair

She didn't care for the big chair.

Visiting the Okinawa Zoo was a great time.  Next time we go, we plan on being there in time to feed the elephants.

Christmas Shopping!

 Ava started her shopping early this year!

We got the girls Christmas shopping done already!  Since they are still young and while we can get away with it we didn't get them much.  I will also add that they have plenty of toys already;)  Ava will be getting a Kitchen set.  It is a smaller one since we don't have that much space anyway.  We also bought her some alphabet blocks, a Tot Clock, broom set, books, a baseball stand with ball and bat, and a baby doll that she picked out in the store.  Yes, we took the girls with us, I'm sure this is the last year we will be able to do so.  I'm hoping with the mini kitchen and broom set she will leave my stuff alone:)  Sophia is getting a baby doll that Ava picked out and that is all.  I also bought their Christmas dresses along with matching Christmas pj's and they should arrive sometime next week.  I will try to get some professional pictures done but those probably won't be in till after Christmas since I dropped the ball and haven't even made an appointment yet. (I want to wait till I have the dresses in before I make an appointment).

What to get the girls:  (If you insist on getting them something;)
Ava likes anything to do with building blocks and outside,  she loves books and playing with water.  Ava is currently in size 24 months and that will probably last till spring easy since they are still a little big on her but 18months is way to little.  She will need a size 6 shoe.  She has a set of brown boots and white boots in size 6.
Sophia has a ton of clothes thanks to Ava or I should say grandparents;)  She is in size 3-6 months already;)  If you want to get her some clothes sweaters might be nice, when Ava was that size it was the middle of summer.  Luckily it won't get that cold here.  My suggestion anything she can put in her mouth for teething and books.
I heard the latest to send packages here so they arrive before Christmas is December 7th.  It won't matter to us if they arrive late but wanted to let you know.

On a side note, it is already to late to send Garry a Christmas package.  He will not get it in time.

Preparing for a Deployment

Garry did get his early promotion to Major which was very exciting since the whole family got to be there.  We are extremely proud of him and all the hard work he does.  

We have been busy preparing for Garry's deployment since he got back from training.  Along with spending as much family time as we could during Garry's 3 weeks of block leave, we also had a long list of things we had to do before he left and the list seemed to keep getting longer.   The military does not make anything easy and being overseas it seems to be even more difficult.  

Sophia was first on our list.  We had to get her birth registered.  This entailed two lengthy forms that hopefully we filled out correctly to prove our citizenship and hers.  We had to give them our Passports, an original or certified copy of our marriage license, and yes, my divorce decree (certified copy) from a previous marriage that ended almost 10 years ago!  Once we get her birth certificate and passport which takes 6 weeks because it is done at the US Embassy here, I can apply for her social security number.  Please keep your fingers crossed that we did it right because if not it will be even more difficult to do once he is deployed.  Next, we had to go to IPAC to add Sophia as a dependent and have them enter her into DEERS so we could then enroll her into TRICare our insurance provider.  Oh yes and I have to get them her social security number as soon as possible.  HA!  

Next, we had to get new ID's because of Garry's promotion which was great because mine was going to expire while he was gone so that was on the list anyway.  Wills are something that is difficult to think about and even harder when someone is deploying into an extremely dangerous area, but we needed to do them so we did.  Then of course I needed a General Power of Attorney for Garry and a Power of Attorney for a local friend here to take care of the girls in case something happens to me while Garry is deployed.  

Garry and Sophia waiting patiently while I finish paperwork

Then we tackled base daycare.  I had to fill out two books and get them notarized at the legal office, one for each child, to enroll the girls into the Child Development Center (CDC)/daycare.  This paperwork included physicals signed off from their physicians, shot records, ANOTHER power of attorney along with other stuff I can't remember.  The lady who enrolled me even joked that soon they will be asking for our right arm along with a DNA sample for enrollment.  While Garry is deployed, I get 10 free hours per child free at the CDC, to bad it is impossible to make an appointment.  It fills up fast and you can only book 3 weeks in advance NOT anything past that time frame.  I tried:(   

We bought a new iMac for the house so Garry can take the MacBook.  I love the new computer!  An area rug was also another necessity so the girls can lay on the floor and play.  I even got the girls Christmas shopping done, but I'll address that on another blog so the Grandparents can have some ideas of what to get.  I will also video Garry reading books tomorrow to Ava so we can play those while he is gone.  A photo album is something else on my list but I'm going to wait till he leaves so I can get as many photos of him as I can before he leaves.  I found a website that will make it a hard book so Ava and Sophia won't destroy it as easily.  Ava and Sophia also have their own Daddy Dolls.  They are dolls with a full length picture of Garry in his uniform.  He will record a message for each doll so the girls will  each have their own message.  

Oh yes and how could I have forgotten!  Remember how I said Garry had 3 weeks of Block Leave.  Yep, didn't happen.  The day we had an appointment for our wills he got called into work.  We had a babysitter arranged from 9-3 and he gets called into work!  So basically, he only got about 1 and a half weeks worth of leave.  The whole thing is just ridiculous and I will leave it at that.  We were on a race to get as much done as we could and luckily we were able to get the important stuff completed and were even able to take a mini vacation.  We did the best we could and made the most of our time together.  I can't believe he leaves so soon.  Time has flown by and I hope it continues so he gets back faster;)