Coping with a Deployment-Kim's Fantasy World

For those of you who don't know, Garry is the Commanding Officer of the 1st Brigade Platoon.  I am extremely proud of him and all members of the military.  I have the utmost respect for them and all they do.  When I discuss how I deal with Garry's deployment please don't think I am making light of what they do it is just what I have to do to stay sane.

With that being said, I will give a little background of how I have coped in some very stressful situations.    I have a fear of heights, sharks, drowning, spiders and zombies.  The last one is strange, I know, but I am terrified of zombies.  If I watch any kind of movie about them I will have nightmares for a week minimum.  I like to conquer my fears but when I can't I go to my happy place.  Enter Kim's Fantasy World.  My world is great!  During water survival training, in Pensacola, Fla. we had to do a lot of training way out in the Gulf of Mexico.  What I did to keep from freaking out about the sharks was tell myself that the Navy put a huge net up around our training area to keep the sharks out.  During SERE training in Spokane, WA I wasn't scared of being caught and tortured by the enemy, I was afraid of spiders!  Lucky for me, I went in the winter when spiders can't live outside in the woods.  My fear of heights?  Still have it, but managed to go skydiving and had a job on AWACS.

Crew 5

Me in front of AWACS

My deployment wasn't a bad deployment.  I was in a pretty safe location during both Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom.  I spent the day sleeping because it was to stinking hot out in the desert and since I flew at night it only made sense to keep the same sleep cycle when I wasn't flying.  The evenings when we weren't flying we would play basketball, volleyball, watch movies, and play card games.  Most missions were pretty boring.  My Fantasy World in the desert was pretty much their weapons couldn't reach our plane because we flew so high.  That lasted only about 3 hours into our first mission when I was proven wrong.  Luckily we didn't get hit and we moved to a different location.  When I found out I was leaving Enduring Freedom to prepare for Iraqi Freedom I told myself that Iraq couldn't strike Prince Sultan Air Base.  A friend kept arguing with me telling me that I was wrong but I wouldn't hear it.  Nope.

Before my deployment I told my friends and family:  Don't watch the news it will make you crazy.  Where I am at it's not that bad.  Don't worry I am fine and I was.  The worst was sending the emails saying: you won't hear from me for a while.  I'll make contact as soon as I can.

When I think about Garry's deployment I do just like I did during his last deployment.  I create my Fantasy World where his deployment is a lot like mine was.  He is hanging out with good friends playing volleyball, drinking coffee at Cafe Oman, playing cards and watching movies.  I don't watch the news.  I don't know what he is doing and I'm grateful for it.  Sometimes when I'm not paying attention reality will sneak up and bite me.  Those moments are terrifying and I now understand how my family and friends felt while I was deployed.  I remember my sister Kelly once telling me she cried every time she heard a plane was shot down because she didn't know if it was mine.  I thought the worst was sending the emails saying you won't hear from me for a while but it's not.  The worst is getting those emails.  So...I cry for a bit and then realize (in my fantasy world) that they are just doing maintenance on the internet and I'll hear from him as soon as its up again.

Ava seems to be handling the deployment well.  She asks for daddy and I say that he is on a trip, he won't be home for a while and he loves and misses you very much.  I show her pictures of him all the time and we have even been able to Skype with him a couple times.  For our 5th Anniversary (Feb 27th) I made Garry a DVD slideshow of pictures of us and the girls.  It is saved on the computer and Ava constantly plays it.  I will walk in the living room to find her dancing and smiling pointing at the screen saying Daddy and Mommy and baby.

This deployment has been hard but we are making the best of the situation.  I tell Garry in detail about our day and what we did.  Which is why I haven't really had the time to blog or even post on facebook.  For the most part I receive an email from him every day.  When I don't, I stress out till I do get an email.  I am very lucky and grateful that we have as much contact as we do, it definitely helps.  We love him and can't wait for his safe return.  Till then, I will embrace my Fantasy World.

Below are some photos from Garry's deployment to Iraq in 2004-2005 followed by some pictures of my deployment 2002-2003.  I'm going to wait to post his photos from this trip till he gets back.