Coping with a Deployment-Kim's Fantasy World

For those of you who don't know, Garry is the Commanding Officer of the 1st Brigade Platoon.  I am extremely proud of him and all members of the military.  I have the utmost respect for them and all they do.  When I discuss how I deal with Garry's deployment please don't think I am making light of what they do it is just what I have to do to stay sane.

With that being said, I will give a little background of how I have coped in some very stressful situations.    I have a fear of heights, sharks, drowning, spiders and zombies.  The last one is strange, I know, but I am terrified of zombies.  If I watch any kind of movie about them I will have nightmares for a week minimum.  I like to conquer my fears but when I can't I go to my happy place.  Enter Kim's Fantasy World.  My world is great!  During water survival training, in Pensacola, Fla. we had to do a lot of training way out in the Gulf of Mexico.  What I did to keep from freaking out about the sharks was tell myself that the Navy put a huge net up around our training area to keep the sharks out.  During SERE training in Spokane, WA I wasn't scared of being caught and tortured by the enemy, I was afraid of spiders!  Lucky for me, I went in the winter when spiders can't live outside in the woods.  My fear of heights?  Still have it, but managed to go skydiving and had a job on AWACS.

Crew 5

Me in front of AWACS

My deployment wasn't a bad deployment.  I was in a pretty safe location during both Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom.  I spent the day sleeping because it was to stinking hot out in the desert and since I flew at night it only made sense to keep the same sleep cycle when I wasn't flying.  The evenings when we weren't flying we would play basketball, volleyball, watch movies, and play card games.  Most missions were pretty boring.  My Fantasy World in the desert was pretty much their weapons couldn't reach our plane because we flew so high.  That lasted only about 3 hours into our first mission when I was proven wrong.  Luckily we didn't get hit and we moved to a different location.  When I found out I was leaving Enduring Freedom to prepare for Iraqi Freedom I told myself that Iraq couldn't strike Prince Sultan Air Base.  A friend kept arguing with me telling me that I was wrong but I wouldn't hear it.  Nope.

Before my deployment I told my friends and family:  Don't watch the news it will make you crazy.  Where I am at it's not that bad.  Don't worry I am fine and I was.  The worst was sending the emails saying: you won't hear from me for a while.  I'll make contact as soon as I can.

When I think about Garry's deployment I do just like I did during his last deployment.  I create my Fantasy World where his deployment is a lot like mine was.  He is hanging out with good friends playing volleyball, drinking coffee at Cafe Oman, playing cards and watching movies.  I don't watch the news.  I don't know what he is doing and I'm grateful for it.  Sometimes when I'm not paying attention reality will sneak up and bite me.  Those moments are terrifying and I now understand how my family and friends felt while I was deployed.  I remember my sister Kelly once telling me she cried every time she heard a plane was shot down because she didn't know if it was mine.  I thought the worst was sending the emails saying you won't hear from me for a while but it's not.  The worst is getting those emails.  So...I cry for a bit and then realize (in my fantasy world) that they are just doing maintenance on the internet and I'll hear from him as soon as its up again.

Ava seems to be handling the deployment well.  She asks for daddy and I say that he is on a trip, he won't be home for a while and he loves and misses you very much.  I show her pictures of him all the time and we have even been able to Skype with him a couple times.  For our 5th Anniversary (Feb 27th) I made Garry a DVD slideshow of pictures of us and the girls.  It is saved on the computer and Ava constantly plays it.  I will walk in the living room to find her dancing and smiling pointing at the screen saying Daddy and Mommy and baby.

This deployment has been hard but we are making the best of the situation.  I tell Garry in detail about our day and what we did.  Which is why I haven't really had the time to blog or even post on facebook.  For the most part I receive an email from him every day.  When I don't, I stress out till I do get an email.  I am very lucky and grateful that we have as much contact as we do, it definitely helps.  We love him and can't wait for his safe return.  Till then, I will embrace my Fantasy World.

Below are some photos from Garry's deployment to Iraq in 2004-2005 followed by some pictures of my deployment 2002-2003.  I'm going to wait to post his photos from this trip till he gets back.

"Mommies Cry when Daddies have to Leave" - Surviving the First Week of Deployment

Ava and Garry in his office before he left.

The day Garry left was hard.  We spent the morning hanging out in his office or wondering the halls watching Ava play with some of the other kids.  They were supposed to bored the bus at noon and our plan was to stay till then.  I was fine till about 1100 when we went back into his office and then I just couldn't stop crying.  The last thing he needed was to worry about me breaking down and here I was doing just that.  He was very understanding when at 11:30 I said I couldn't stay any longer, I felt like such a wimp but didn't want everyone else seeing me that way, plus I new it was going to get worse and I just couldn't stand to see him get on that bus.  

So I sobbed the whole way home while Ava and Sophia napped.  I was even able to get them to nap once we got home.  After crying for a few hours, I felt a little better and thought I finally had control of my emotions...wrong.  Ava, Sophia and I went outside to play for a bit.  We ended up at a neighbors house and I broke down, again.  Her 3 year old daughter was so sweet.  She asked why I was crying and I told her I was sad because Ava's daddy went on a trip and wouldn't be home for a long time.  She looked at me and said, "yeah, mommies cry when daddies have to leave."   While sitting on the couch visiting with my friend I realize it was pretty quite.  Where is Ava?  Crap, we completely forgot about the tear in the screen door and Ava slipped out of the house.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? GARRY ISN'T EVEN GONE FOR 1 DAY AND I LOST OUR DAUGHTER!!!  We found her playing on the sidewalk outside the house, disaster diverted and I can breath again.  That girl will be the death of me yet;)  After locking her inside the house and visiting for a while, we all go outside to play.  More neighbors ask how I'm doing and of course I break down each time.  Will the tears just stop already?  Ava, Sophia, and I go in and cook dinner.  I get the girls down for bed around 8 and start my pity party...because it didn't start at 1100.  Basically I just cried and cried, I cried so much I was worried I wouldn't be able to stop and started to think I would have to go to the hospital in the morning to get some happy pills.  The whole day was frustrating.  I really wanted to be strong for Garry and the girls and I just couldn't keep it together.  I knew this was coming, I had prepared myself, or so I thought.  It is only 7 months, it could be much worse.  WHY CAN'T I STOP CRYING!!!!  Ok, so of course I cry myself to sleep.  Ava wakes up in the middle of the night so I bring her into bed with me.  I don't know why I woke up but I did, only to see Ava start to roll off the bed.  I grabbed her just in time and another disaster diverted.  It would have been a disaster to since our mattress is the 18" mattress and sits so high up I need a step stool to get in the bed and oh yeah the floors are concrete.  I've got to get my sh** together.  

Saturday, I wake up and I'm not crying.  YEAH!!!  I went a whole day tear free.  Ava, Sophia and I had a great day considering.  I got them to bed, again, at around 8.  After they went down I rearranged our bedroom so now Garry's side of the bed is up against the wall.  (getting it together;)  Of course, Ava slept in her bed the whole night, but I wanted to be prepared.  Sunday was pretty much the same as Saturday.  Two days down, no crying, came close but still did good.  Feeling much better now.

Monday.  I start the day at the co-op I joined last week for the gym.  I go to the gym and get in a great run on the treadmill.  I had a lot of anger to run through, unfortunately my time was cut short due to a pampered chef party otherwise I probably would have ran the whole 2 hours!  If felt good and I can't wait to go again. 

The pampered chef party was nice.  The ladies there either had been through deployments on the island or their husband's were currently deployed.  What they all had to say:

• Deployments here are harder because you are so isolated from family and friends
• The first month is the hardest with the first week being the worst
• After the first month you get set in a nice routine and time goes by pretty fast
• Call me or stop by if you need anything
• I can watch the girls for you anytime, even if you just need a few minutes to yourself
• Take it one day at a time
• The last month is the longest
• You have every right to cry and be emotional...it will get better

It was nice to talk to people who understood but at the same time I felt so exposed because they new EXACTLY how I was feeling.  And they knew that I was just barely keeping it together.  We talked about the girls and how they were doing.  How I wanted to record Garry reading books to the girls but he didn't seem interested so I didn't push.  One wife said her husband refused because it was like saying a final goodbye and he wasn't going to do that.  Hearing all their stories it took everything not to break down right there.  Well, I had a good run with 2 days of being tear free at least I made it to my house before the tears came.  I pretty much just cried the rest of the evening but I remembered that I "had every right to cry" so I didn't feel guilty anymore and I actually felt better instead of worse.

Tuesday was an ok day.  I spent the morning skyping with my mom and Ron.  Since I wasn't really sure of my emotions I decided to skip Ava's music class.  I felt terrible but knew I would break down if the instructor played my favorite song which she usually does.  I usually tear up a little when they play the song anyway.  I plan on recording it one day for all to see.  It is a beautiful slow song called "Dancing with Teddy."  The instructor gives the kids long colorful silk scarves to dance with and they spin around and dance to this amazing song and it really does make me want to cry watching how adorable all the kids are dancing with their pretty scarves.  The rest of the day was spent playing with the girls and turning down ALL the Thanksgiving invites.  Everyone here has been wonderful and I didn't want to ruin peoples Thanksgiving with my emotions.  My plan was to stay at home and fix some cornish hens, stuffing, green beans, and pecan pie. I finally gave in to one of my friends who said if I didn't come she was driving to my house to come get me.  I have a very strong feeling NO ONE was going to let me have a pity party on turkey day;)  That evening I even cancelled on going to the units monthly coffee.  It was in the evening and I just didn't feel like putting on a brave face for all the other spouses whose husbands left with mine.  I also didn't want to mess with the great bedtime routine me and the girls have going on so far.  This night Ava climbs into her toddler bed and wants to sleep there.  I let her and she slept the whole night in her bed.  I was extremely happy and so was she.

Wednesday was a much better day.  I'm starting to feel more like myself.  I worked the Co-op that morning watching the kids play while other mom's worked out and it was fun playing and visiting with the other mom who was also working.  Then I dropped the girls off at their new babysitter's house for the first time.  Ava had a great time.  Sophia had a little bit harder time but no big issues.  While the girls were at the babysitter's, I went and had lunch with an Air Force friend of mine who is also stationed out here.  We were on the same crew in Afghanistan.  We spent our lunch catching up on ourselves and filling each other in with information about people we still stay in contact with.  I can't believe it has been 9 years since our deployment!  I pick up the girls and we spend the rest of the day playing.  Ava didn't get a nap in at the sitter's so she is asleep in her toddler bed by 6:30.  Sophia is out by 7.  I spent the rest of the evening cleaning and rearranging the living room.  This is the third and FINAL time I have arranged the living room.  I think this is the best I can make of the space and our beautiful government furniture;)  I even found a 10K race to run in Feb and my neighbor said she would do it with me.  I cleaned and redecorated-definatly feeling much better.

Thanksgiving was a very nice day.  We went to a friends house and spent the evening with them.  Ava played with their kids and Sophia was held the entire time by either my friend or her husband.  The food was delicious and we were sent home with some left overs.  The next day when we ate them Ava cried when the green bean casserole was all gone.  She kept handing me the container saying "more."

Ava and Dad being Silly

Friday I invited another friend over and her son who just turned 3 years old for dinner.  Since I didn't get the opportunity to cook the cornish hens I had already thawed out for Thanksgiving I figured, why not.  Her husband is also deployed with mine so we talked about how we were doing and how the kids were doing.  I think Friday was the hardest day for Ava.  She kept having little meltdowns over nothing.  I know that is something toddlers do and Ava certainly has them but these were a little different.  I just gave her extra hugs and kisses and kept telling her that Daddy loves her and she seemed much better by the time our friends arrived.  After they left, Ava didn't want to go to sleep in her room so I caved and let her sleep in my room.  Saturday morning she woke up in a much better mood.

Wow!  I can't believe we survived our first week!  The best part is that it flew by.  The way I have things set up for us we will be busy the whole 7 months and hopefully time will keep on flying.  I still find myself looking outside and getting a glimpse of his truck, getting excited because he is home from work, but then I remember where he really is.  It's the little things like that are what catch me off guard and make me sad, however I have been tear free for 4 days now:)  Garry has sent me a few emails and I know he is extremely busy with training and the handover.  I just hope time goes by quickly for him as well.  Thanks for reading.

Halloween 2011

Ava was a lion for Halloween and Sophia wore a Halloween outfit.  Ava loved her costume she roared to the trick-or-treaters and even said trick-or-treat a couple times.  It didn't take her long to understand she was getting candy and was pretty happy getting her treats.  The Scream costumes scared her but for the most part she did very well.  We trick-or-treated for about 30 minutes then headed home to hand out candy.  Trick-or-treating started at 6 and lasted till 8, however, we ran out of candy around 7:30.

Ava helped hand out the candy by the handful.  I think she had a better time doing that than trick-or-treating.  It was neat to see all the kids dressed up.  The base was open to the local children who attended the schools near the base and it was a little crazy but fun.  The Okinawan kids loved Ava and they all wanted to give her hi fives.  Looking forward to next year and I will have much more candy.  We had that huge basket filled to the top and even had some extra bags and we still ran out early!  

The Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters

On Veteran's Day, Garry and I decided it would be a good time to visit The Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters.  From our information pamphlet:

Members of the Japanese Navy Corps of Engineers, Yamane Division dug a tunnel complex for the Navy's Okinawa Headquarters bunker in 1944.  The semi-circular tunnels hardened by posts and concrete were 450 meter in length at the time.  They served as underground headquarters to endure the American bombardment and long drawn out fighting and could sustain 4000 soldiers.  After the war, tunnels remained untouched for many years.  The remains of those who died were collected and a 300-meter portion centered on the commander's office was renovated and opened to the public in March 1970 by the Tourism Development Board.

The Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters is located where Rear Admiral Ota and his men desperately fought to the end on June 13, 1945.  You can view the commanding officer's room and the operations room as it was during the battle.  Also, the tunnels, which were constructed utilizing hoes and picks, still exist in their original condition.

 Garry and Ava in front of the  Memorial Monument

Ava and Garry looking at the view of the East China Sea and Naha Airport

More from the information pamphlet:

On June 6, 1945, Admiral Ota sent a lengthy telegram to the vice minister of the Navy reporting the battle situation and commending the self-sacrifice and cooperation displayed by the Okinawan people during the battle.  In the message he gave a detailed account of how the Okinawan people -both young and old, women and men -devoted themselves whole-heartedly in supporting the battle.  He concluded his message with the statement, "This is how the Okinawan people have fought the war, and for this reason, I ask you give the Okinawan people special consideration from this day forward."

On June 13, 1945, Admiral Ota, with many of his officers and men, died an honorable death inside the underground.  According to the intelligence section of the Sixth Marine Division, 175 bodies were found. 

It has been said that the Naval Base forces lost 4,000 men in the Battle for Oroku Peninsula.  The Sixth Marine Division casualties were 1,608 killed or wounded.  There is a display about the Sixth Marine Division located in the Former Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters Museum. 

 Commanding Officer's Room

Staff Room

The tunnel where they made their last stand.

Some other interesting facts found in the visitors pamphlet:

The number of deaths in the battle of Okinawa:  Total deaths 200,656 people (Okinawa Non-fighting civilians 37,139 people)  (Americans 12,520 people) 

The number of shells used by Americans (Apr1-Jun 30, 1945) 2,716,691 shells.  The population on Okinawa at that time was 574,368 people giving a ratio of 4.72 shells fired per person.

The number of unexploded shell disposal in Okinawa Prefecture 1,178,869 shells.

The number of remains collected from Japanese Navy Underground Headquarters about 2,400 people. 

After we finished exploring the tunnels, we explored the grounds outside.  Garry and I really wanted to find the outside entrance to the tunnel where the Japanese Navy made their last stand but we were unsuccessful.  We think we found the area but couldn't reach it because there were no trails.  

It would be difficult to describe the day as fun considering where we were.  It was very informative and a privilege to experience this memorial and I couldn't think of a better way to honor Veteran's Day.

 

 

Okinawa Zoo

One day we made a trip to the Okinawan Zoo which is called Kodomo no Kuni, in Japanese, which means Children's Country.  The Zoo has about 194 different species to discover that are located along a very steep hill.  We chose to start at the top of the hill then work our way down where we able to take an elevator back up.  It was sad to see the small living quarters that the animals inhabited but because of the limited space we were able to get very close to the animals.  Garry could have reached out and touched the Hippos, they were so close.  Because of how close you could get there were warning signs in the cat area about spraying.  A sign was drawn with the back end of a cat and spray hitting a persons face.  It was pretty funny.

I forgot the names of these bats but they were huge!

The zoo also allows you to feed the animals during their feeding times for a small fee.  We missed the elephant by about 5 minutes but Ava was able to feed the giraffes.  It was neat to see them so close.  

Ava loved looking at all the animals.  It was fun watching her.  When she would see an animal she would say the name and then tell us the sounds they made.  We were some proud parents;)

After looking at the animals, we took the elevator back up where it led us straight into a food court.  So we had to get something to eat:)  Ava got a corn dog.  The breading was different but very yummy, it was kind of like a funnel cake made out of corn batter.  Garry got the Okinawa Soba noodles and I had the yakitori.  

After we filled our tummies, we visited the petting zoo.  I think that was Ava's favorite place.  She loved feeding the animals, petting them, and even got to hold a chick.

Hmmm...where do I start

Feeding a goat some celery

A little Okinawan boy gave Ava a big hug and kiss on the shoulder

Petting some cute bunnies

Once she was out of the stroller, Ava was unstoppable!  She ran through the rest of the park:)

After we saw everything there was to see outside, we took a trip through the museum.  They had several displays and lots of activity stations for the kids to play with.

Ava liked the little chair

She didn't care for the big chair.

Visiting the Okinawa Zoo was a great time.  Next time we go, we plan on being there in time to feed the elephants.